Some thoughts on the new proposed vaccine and 'Rules of the Road.'

Covid Journal - May 16, 2020

Welcome to day 5,335,667 of the Covid age…. at least it seems that way.  Actually it’s hard to believe it’s barely 8 weeks since things went off the track.  It seems as long as summer vacation seemed when you were a kid – endless – until it ended suddenly.    

Speaking of school, I hear they’re letting kids go back as long as they practice social distancing…  they have to stay 2 meters apart.  When I was at school I would have been thrilled if kids got that close to me.  I guess when it comes to social distancing I was ahead of my time.

They’ve changed how we’re supposed to interact, but they don’t seem to give us any rules other than stay six feet apart.  Imagine if they changed all the traffic rules and said, “Drive wherever you want, but stay six feet away from other cars….”    Wait a minute, that’s what they do now.

Now when I’m out I have to go through a whole check-list NASA would be proud of.  Have I got my blue latex gloves? Have I got my non-medical mask? I actually have an old N-95 mask; but I’m afraid of wearing it in public lest I’ll be shamed.  It’s probably more socially acceptable to wear a mink coat outside than wearing a N95 mask in public.

There’s a lot of people who refuse to wear masks; they think it looks dorky.  Donald Trump – for one – he’s such a cool guy he doesn’t need a mask.  He should try one – maybe his ratings might go up.  I’m surprised they haven’t brought out mask wearing celebrities to tout wearing masks- like Batman, the Lone Ranger, or the Beagle Brothers…  Maybe they could make an N95 Darth Vader mask.

Then there’s the problem of the latex gloves.  The fingers are too long and hang out over the ends of my fingers.  Yesterday when I tried opening my jacket one of my gloved fingers got stuck in the zipper, and since my wallet was in my other hand, I couldn’t figure out how to fix it.  There were three or four people who seemed willing to help me, but they didn’t want to violet the six-foot rule.  So I stood there looking like Brer Rabbit stuck to the tar baby in an Uncle Remus book.

Going to a store these Covid days is an adventure.  You have to line up, but you have to stand on specially designated ‘spots.’  But when you finally get in, it’s really scary.  They’ve put arrows up everywhere.  There are two-way aisles, one way aisles , and I don’t know which way to go aisles.  It’s the one-way aisles that confuse me the most.  What happens if I miss the Corn Pops as I’m walking down a one-way aisle?  Do I have to walk all the way around the store again?   Can I turn around and walk back down the aisle?  Or do I have to walk backwards going “beep beep beep?”  What about at aisle intersections?  Does the person on the right have the right-a-way?

Even walking down the sidewalk now is confusing.  If someone is walking towards you, which way am I supposed to go to avoid them?  To the left?  To the right?  Right now I try an indicate that I’m going to pass on one side and then head over to that side.  Then I notice the person walking towards me has decided they want to pass on the same side, so I alter my plans and angle over to the other side, only to see they’ve done the same!  And so it goes like a game of chicken.   I think they have to announce some official rules for this.  Maybe use maritime rules where two boats approaching head on; both vessels should alter course to starboard to pass port-side to port-side….   

So that would mean when two people are approaching head on, they should pass left shoulder to left shoulder. 

As I said in an earlier entry every day is like Groundhog Day.   I get up get a cup of coffee turn on the TV and watch our Prime Minister climb up on the back of a pickup truck, and shovel money off in every direction.  He manages to find something for every segment of society.  Tomorrow I expect him to shove off a load for One Eyed Albanian dwarfs. 

I notice every day he’s getting scruffier and scruffier.  He’s making scruff look chic.  His hair is getting wilder and wilder.  It looks like a beaver climbed up on his head and died. 

People all around the world are starved for sports.   The biggest sport seems to be watch hundred-year-old guys with walkers walk around their gardens for money.  It started in Britain with a hundred-year-old guy, and now there’s one in Canada doing the same thing.  I’m sure if I look, I’ll find a French guy, an Australian guy…..    Maybe we can have a match race between them like the old golfers are doing : the 100 minute dash?  Around the block in 80 minutes?   At least it would be faster than watching cricket. 

There is hope on the horizon: researchers in Oxford England have announced they have developed a vaccine that is 100% effective in monkeys.  They’ve recently began human trials and hope to have a vaccine available by the end of the year!  So far they’re happy with the results of the human trials announcing the only side effects appear to be a slight swelling at the vaccination sight, and an urge to throw feces when pissed off.  Retailers also have announced people have begun to horde bananas.

Well that’s it for now.   Stay safe.  Keep smiling.

Jeff