Grobetrotting With Jeff

Friday March 20, 2020

I’m tired of spending hours foraging for toilet paper.  I’ve decided to grow my own.  (A shout out to John Oliver who passed this idea on to me). 

Most of today was worrying about my son and his family.  They had gone to Australia three weeks ago for spring break and to begin to look for housing (My son commutes for work, but the commute from Vancouver is getting wearing).   When things exploded with the virus  a weeks ago they decided to come home. They’ve been trying to come home since.  They finally got a Qantus flight to Los Angeles that leaves at midnight.  My son says things are getting crazy in Australia and they’re seeing the same sort of panic we’re seeing here.

“People’s nerves are totally shot,” he texted.  “First the fires, then floods, now the virus.”

“Well the good news is there’s only seven more plagues before it’s over,” I texted back.

I went for a walk this morning.  I found the best way to make other walkers, joggers, runners, dog walkers and  bikers away. I find by talking loudly to myself and growling when people get too close generally works.  Not so much with the dog walkers. 

One lady was not deterred.  She blocked my path

“You’re acting very strangely.  Do you have the virus?”

“No,” I replied. “Rabies.”

“Oh, thank God, I was worried it was something serious.”

I got a call from my doctor in the afternoon.  I had an appointment scheduled for next Thursday.

The receptionist informed me the doctor would be doing the appointment over the phone.  I don’t have a problem with that – except it’s my urologist.   I’m not big into self-examinations.

“Okay, Jeff, this won’t take too long.  Do you happen to have a rubber glove and a jar of Vaseline handy?

I’m not looking forward to that call. This is the same doctor who once described my prostate as “the Mount Baker of Prostates.”  Based on my personal experience you don’t want a urologist who likes to act as a tour guide when he’s navigating your interior plumbing. 

At least I didn’t have to leave him a tip.